I'm a working girl. I never really set out to be one. It just kind of happened. When I was a youngster (really, that word just doesn't get used enough) I had visions of what I would be when I grew up: a doctor, a teacher, a secretary, a mommie. But, I didn't put a lot of thought into it. I didn't really have time for a lot of career thought since I got married at 17. And, I went to work. Life was so simple. Dennis and I worked. We came home to our sweet little apartment in Norwalk, CA. We got involved in the church next door (which happened to be Dennis' church before we were married). We went places on the weekend. We went to the beach. We went to Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm. We took a couple of classes at the local community college. We played tennis. We moved back and forth from Norwalk to Fresno 8 times in our first 2 or 3 years of marriage. Settling in was a difficult concept for us. But, through it all, I worked. I was a store auditor for Montgomery Wards, clerk at the Fresno Bible House, secretary at La Mirada Christian movies (this was back in the day of the giant 16mm movies-churches would order them and we would ship them out. A lot of that job was tracking down the movies from pastors who couldn't remember who was in charge of shipping it back!), accounts payable clerk for an industrial company, babysitter, Avon lady, took in ironing, receptionist for an accountant, radiology clerk at a children's hospital, secretary for a pediatric developmental clinic, oh so many things! We moved to Oklahoma with the intention of me staying home. I did that for a year but circumstances forced me back to work. That's when I started at the bank. I was a teller, then a loan secretary and now the compliance officer. It is a great job and a great place to work. They have treated me wonderfully over the years. They have been with me through many stages of my life-unexpected pregnancy at 40, becoming a grandmother five months after having my third baby, family deaths (four in two years) and two house floods. With all the ups and downs, work has been a constant.
I find myself thinking about what it would be like not to work full time. This is probably because of the stressful schedule I am juggling at work. Two big work projects are happening simultaneously and it is about to get the best of me. I find myself not even knowing what day it is sometimes because I spend so much of my time checking my calendar for the next meeting, the next deadline, the next assignment due. The idea of getting up, taking Katie to school and coming back home is very appealing. The idea of being at home in the summer when Katie is out of school is even more appealing.
It's just not going to happen right now, though. So, I have to find a way to stay focused. I want to do my job and do it with excellence. I just sometimes have misgivings about my ability to do that anymore. Has this old dog run out of tricks?