Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I Hope...

Today was a rough day.  Actually, the past few days have been rough days.  It doesn’t matter what  made the days so rough; that’s not what this post is about.  Just trust me – rough. 

I tried all day to come up with a reason to stay home from our Moms in Prayer group tonight.  I was in a bad mood, I was tired, and I was frustrated.  Surely those were good enough excuses.  But, tonight was our last meeting before school starts again in the fall.  I went.

When I first arrived, I still didn’t want to be there.  (Just being honest)  But, things changed when we started reading our scriptures.  I was the one who selected them and typed them on our prayer sheets so they shouldn’t have come as any surprise to me.  But Psalm 25:5 just jumped right off the page at me- “and my hope is in you all day long.”  My long, rough day had been anything but hope-filled!  I looked at those words over and over.  Why had my day seemed so hopeless?

I decided to read the entire chapter and try to figure that out.  I read it once.  And,  again.  The answer to why I could hope in him all day had to be there.  What was I missing?  I started back through the chapter and only got through verse 1:  “In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”  How had I missed that the other times?  And, was that the key?

I finished the chapter one more time.  A couple of other passages stopped me cold.  Verses 16-17:  “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.  Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.”  Verse 21 “May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you.” 

The answer was one that I had known all along.  I had just let my self-pity and resentment cloud my mind to the point that I had forgotten it.  I wasn’t putting my trust in God.  I was trusting in my version of justice and fairness.  I was trusting in my perspective on my rights.  I was trusting in other people to do the right thing.  (The right thing according to me, of course.) What I wasn’t doing was “putting my trust in the Lord my God.”  No wonder I didn’t have hope.  No wonder I didn’t feel any relief from the troubles of my heart.  No wonder I felt anguished, lonely, persecuted. 

I purpose to put my trust in the Lord before my day even begins tomorrow.  Then I can go through the day in integrity and uprightness.  I hope.  Really, I hope!